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Interview in different part of the country: Family vs. Job?

User: annieslim - 16 March 2012 10:58

Hi all, I am very lucky to have been offered an interview, the only thing is it's just under 150 miles away from where I currently live with my partner. I have been looking for a job for some time & am currently working in H.E., but in an admin job which pays little (Grade 4) and I have to commute 100 miles each day, so half way through the month I have no money left... My partner's job contract will be up for renewal before the end of the year & my viva is in the Summer (this job is to start at a similar time)... Obviously I don't have the job yet, but have discussed a potential move and partner is currently adamant not to move. I have friends within 20 miles of job, so it would be possible to stay with people & to come back home at weekends or to get a flat & come home at weekends - but I'd obviously rather live with my b/f of 4 years. Argh, what to do? My heart says one thing and my head says the other & both keep on swapping from one minute to the next (not literally!). Has anybody else ever been in this situation, what would you do, do you have any advice for discussing this properly with partner? Thanks, Annie x

User: bewildered - 16 March 2012 12:13

I think you need to make sure that your partner understands the realities of the academic job market if he doesn't currently - many non-academics seem to think that of course a job will come up at the local university and that you will get it, without understanding the numbers applying and the lack of jobs. In other words make sure he understands why you're considering this properly. Is his job one that he could potentially find work in the other place? I do know people who live like this but it's a real test of a relationship, and children tend to be the deal-breaker. Is it a fixed term or permanent job? I think it's more manageable if it's fixed term, so that both of you know it's not permanent. The other thing is have you taken into account that your weekends might not always be free if it's a lectureship, as open days, widening participation events etc often take place at weekends.

User: Caro - 16 March 2012 14:31

Hello there, I moved 500 miles away for my PhD and my partner is still stick where he is with his job, I had discussed it with him and he was all ok with it until I got the PhD and he went quiet and wouldn't talk about it. He had said he would move but then made excuses, it's been 6 months living apart not only seeing each other once a month and it isn't great but he has decided to move here once he can get a transfer from his work (which should happen by the end of summer so it'll be a year apart by then). We'd been together 8 years and lived together for 4 so it has been tough but I knew I had to do it as I was unlikely to get the chance again and this was the perfect PhD for me. My partner was reluctant to discuss things and that caused most of the problems so if you can get him to chat about it and tell him all the ins and outs and why you want to go for it maybe he will come round, although he may need a while to think about it. If it is a job you think is right for you then you can argue your case stronger, if it is a job that you just think is a bit better than the one you have but you don't really want it maybe you should wait for something closer to come along! good luck with your choices =)

User: jenstallon - 29 May 2012 13:45

I think both of you'll can talk and take a matured decision. I think you can go ahead and your partner can join you, or you could work for a while and not settle permanently in the new place. It is common these days to have long distance relationships due to studies and work. So dont worry, things will work out well. You need to have a good understanding with your partner regarding this.

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