PostDoc Discussion Forum

1. I am not a scientist
2. My research is not relevant to the industry
3. I have no idea what I'm doing
4. I don't know how to do anything
5. I am surrounded by people who think they're smarter than me
6. I am not allowed to use my own equipment
7. I am not allowed access to any literature
8. I am not allowed time off
9. I am not allowed any freedom
10. I am not allowed out of the lab
11. I am not allowed outside
12. I am not allowed anywhere near the library
13. I am not allowed around anyone else
14. I am not allowed contact with anyone outside the lab

Hello

I registered in this forms because I need experienced persons reply to this problem. I apologize inad advance for the negative words in this thread.

Currently, I am a 3rd year PhD, already done with courses and supposed to start working on my thesis, but it feels suffocating now. The university is abroad and I travel back to my family every now and then. Each time it feels like torture to go back. The problem is of three parts:

1) The country, it seemed nice during my master. But the longer I stay, the more I realize the xenophobia, discrimination, fine lines exploitations, and the extra expectations towards foreigners. I abhor the country, it is a big scam. The population is homogeneous with a collective mentality. Here, everyone dress the same, eats the same, and follow the same life to a comical degree. To be different (foreigner) is an insult that must receive punichment. To clarify, I did notice these things at first, but I used to think of it as individual incidents or that I did something wrong to invoke such reaction.

2) The immediate environment, the school devices are failing and sometimes the staff don't even report that prior to the reservation. It ties my my hands and break my soul every time. They also don't take foreigners seriously, so even if I report a faulty function, it is taken with a grain of salt. The labmates show similar behavior. There is a lack of respect. Even though I am the oldest student, I am still an outsider to the lab because I am a foreigner. The local students view the foreigners as absolute useless and unnecessary workload. Even though it is rarely that they are asked for help.
It is also impossible to create uch meaningful relationships, friendship or anything else, because not counted as eligible human.

3) The workload, the workload keeps increasing. I am confident that I work more than the average postdoc despite being a student. I appreciate that I am learning for my future, but it is insanely heavy at this point and all of it must be done in astronomically short time. It keeps my stress level up, always. The work includes teaching other students, writing proposals, and working multiple projects goals in addition to others. My supervisor doesn't seem to like the discussion about the workload. In his defense, he employed a researcher to help me. The researcher is not necessarily a bad person but definitely not a proactive worker. The professor seems to deem him a genius, but he can be more a liability often. I have to constantly ask him to do everything multiple times and he still doesn't do what I ask him to do. It is exhausting.

My apologies again for the negativity and long vent. But I am very troubled to find reasons to go continue. Any advice and wisdom is welcomed.