PostDoc Discussion Forum

hi

Congratulations on earning your degree! Your advice about finding supportive, experienced friends is invaluable—thanks for sharing your journey.

I've been a bit of a lurker on this forum since my viva in 2017, which resulted in a resubmission in 18 months. I searched threads that dealt with resubmission endless times, and read and re-read messages of encouragement from others here to those brave enough to post their experiences.

So I'm dedicating this post to all of you, and thanking everyone for the discussions I could read, and the general feeling that I was not the only one. I ended up resubmitting earlier this year,

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Hi, I saw your post and can empathise with your experience and feeling. Is the same with my PhD journey. After 5 gruelling years with physical and mental problems and submitting in time (my PhD was a part-time), my examiners told me that I need to rework and resubmit. I realised from my examiner's feedback that my PhD was littered with holes and errors that stem from the start of my PhD. As a novice researchers, I was learning as I was carrying out research work, and many of the errors happened unconsciously. I was quite annoyed with my supervisors because I had hoped that he would highlight this to me as I was learning about research skills. He kept harping on "you are the expert" and although I was the expert in the research topic, I was not in terms of the research skills which is transferable between research project. An example of a research skill would be the rigour of the research method. Moreover, with other issues beyond my control, I wanted a PhD extension which was flat-out refused by my supervisors. With that, I rushed with my work and produced a messy thesis. Even when I highlighted the issues I was having, my supervisors gaslighted the whole situation as "no big deal" and therefore, not justifiable for an extension. I regretted not roping in a third supervisor because I gave them a benefit of doubt. I know it sounds like I am blaming my supervisors as academic peers always told me to take control of my thesis, which I did on many occasions, but I found that when something bad happens if I refuse to listen to my supervisors, I get blamed for not listening. And if I do listen to them and something bad happens, I get told that I should have taken control. Essentially, when something bad happens, "keep calm and blame the PhD candidate for either not listening or not taking control". To make matters worse, my mental health has taken a massive toll and literally fighting suicidal thoughts every day. But reading your comments help me realised I am not alone and collectively, PhD students are helping each other to keep going. I encouraged myself that the PhD is a learning journey and although we are asked to resubmit, we need to remind ourselves (1) we did not give up and went through the viva and did the best we could (2) is not over yet.

Sorry for the delay in responding. I hope you have gotten your news by now?

The waiting period.. in total it took my examiners just under 5 months. They should have gotten it done in 2. It was:
1. nice to have time to sleep
2. Oh, I should know in maybe a month
3. They must be reading it now. I wonder what they'll say (insert flashbacks from 1st round of submitting)
4. Any day now, this is terrible
5. Hmm, they passed their deadline. Is this good or bad
6. They are way past the deadline. The list of criticism must be really long and I'm going to fail
7. Deep depression and dark thoughts
8. As supervisor if they know what the result is
---a looooooong week of waiting for their response------
9. informally told the result by the sup, made official by the uni process a week later
10. Super weird feeling. Like it's not real and there's been a mistake.

During those 5 months I tried to focus on the job I had and keep myself distracted; I read many Brexit analyses. Just to have something else to get angry about.

Thank you! I really really wanted to give up, but I'm really glad I didn't. It was really terrible, but at least the terrible-ness is gone now - compared to quitting and forever thinking I should have done it.